Welcome to my new project, if-so-then-what. Here you’ll find:
(sometimes slightly strange) creative prompts and assignments, published every other Monday (free)
short writings on play, artists who play, and children’s books that play, published monthly (paid)
peeks into my own creative process and practice, especially related to children’s books and painting but occasionally textiles, graphic design, building a yurt, making a lamp out of trash, whoosiwhatsits, ooh la la, etc., published monthly (paid)
If you’re joining me from instagram or my pre-existing email newsletter (the official SARA newsletter), you might be wondering what substack is and why I’ve started a new project here. Substack as a platform nicely supports my ability to both share free and experimental creative prompts for anyone to enjoy, and (hopefully) help support myself financially by creating an opt-in space for folks who want to engage with my work on a deeper level. For transparency, Substack and credit card fees subtract approximately 13% from each subscription. This means that for a $6/month subscription, I’ll be getting roughly $5. If I spend about 3 hours/week working on these posts and pay myself $35/hr, I’ll need 91 paid subscribers to do so. I’m sharing this not to guilt you into paying me (eek), but to give you a sense of how your support might impact my life on multiple levels. However you choose to participate, I’m deeply grateful and glad you’re here!
CONTENTS
1—Somewhere Serious
2—Make a Flower
3—Etc.
1—SOMEWHERE SERIOUS
Bear with me as I go somewhere serious for a little while:
In 2019, I was teaching graphic design at an art college (my alma mater), when a student told me frankly, “you look so normal for an art teacher.” We laughed, we moved on. Internally I was scrabbling back, [Hey! Wait! Mysterious goth teen! I promise I’m weird!].
I started teaching when I was 28; I’m petite, and a woman with a young face. Students liked to guess my age, and my colleagues had been my teachers only a couple years prior. I was acutely aware of this and dressed in an effort to communicate authority and seriousness — an effective armor, though not particularly expressive.
Soon after, the pandemic hit, and through a sequence of events, I experienced an extended and terrifying depressive episode that lasted many months. I had lost most of my freelance clients at the onset of lockdown and the rise of austerity budgets, and when the fall semester rolled around I didn’t sign on to teach again. My nervous system ruled my life, and I barely had the capacity to finish the few remaining projects I’d begun pre-pandemic.
A self-portrait made in the midst of my most acute anxiety and depression.
With the invaluable support of my partner, I cut back my workload, and started: knitting a sweater, writing stories, drawing sunsets, learning how to clean-card-spin wool from a friend’s flock, playing piano, sewing clothing, mending socks, cooking delightful meals, canoeing, reading books with my family on facetime, and tending our tiny porch garden. In the middle of panic attacks, I’d find myself feverishly writing:
Creativity had become an ESSENTIAL tool in my recovery; it grounded me within my being in a time when my relationship with myself was deeply fragile.
Time passed in brutally hard emotional work, medication, nourishment, love, forgiveness, midwestern waters, and creativity. And as I started to turn again towards the future, I began to wonder how I might craft and sustain a creatively expansive life, one that invited in all the strange and wonderful twists and turns of my mind’s wanderings that made me feel so much like myself.
The past several years have been unkind to artists online. Ever-changing algorithms require our absolute engagement with caveats both extensive and impossible. It has not been an easy time to rebuild my life with foundational priorities of well-being and creative authenticity at the fore. These qualities feel wholly unsupported by the endless churn of our capitalist society.
…
In the spring of 2021, I splurged and bought myself a pair of TURQUOISE! HIGH TOPS! Feeling like myself, I admired my feet in the mirror and thought about my student. In reflection, their innocuous remark touched on a prickly and pervasive tangle that represents possibly my greatest problem: how may I be fully myself in a culture that tells me there’s no room for me as I am?
I’m certain I’m not alone in this wondering. As I fundamentally needed creativity and play to heal and sustain my well-being, I now see a massive cultural need. In his book The Gift, Lewis Hyde writes:
“The passage into mystery always refreshes. If, when we work, we can look once a day upon the face of mystery, then our labor satisfies. We are lightened when our gifts rise from pools we cannot fathom.”
This I know to be true, and I believe creativity and play are powerful and direct conduits to this mystery.
In starting this newsletter, I didn’t intend to get serious. To tell you the truth, I’m tired of talking about my mental health, tired of wading in memory, and tired of the struggle. Down with the man, man! The simple act of creative play for play’s sake so often feels like a radical act in context of our results-driven culture and the day-to-day urgency of our world. I see a big need for all of us to move collectively towards compassion, mystery, the unknown, and creative thinking—and I realized I needed to go to the serious place to contextualize to you why I want to write this newsletter and do this work.
I welcome you as you are, and invite you to participate here how you like. I’d love to hear from you.
2—MAKE A FLOWER
For your first assignment, make a flower:
1. Explore your home inside and out, and look for repeating patterns. Photograph them with your smart phone.
2. Choose a photograph, and select edit –> mark up on your phone.
(a quick walkthrough on iphone, android should be similar)
3. Select a color and marker of your choice in the mark up window. Then, with your finger, make a flower.
(dog food flower ^)
4. Repeat as you like!
(I held a piece of paper behind this chicken wire so that I could see the pattern more clearly ^)
Notes:
—Rigid/geometric patterns will work well for this exercise, but aren’t required.
—Changing your photograph to black and white before drawing may make the process easier.
—If you want to use the same photograph multiple times, duplicate your image so that you have a clean copy to work from.
—If you’d rather draw your flower with physical media (i.e. pen and paper), print your photograph and draw directly on the paper, or use tracing paper or a lightbox.
—Expand on this assignment by… making 100 flowers, voila, a garden! drawing other subjects! transferring your photos to photoshop/illustrator/procreate to work in more detail!
—Did you know that David Hockney has been an avid digital painter for many years? Check out his iphone paintings here.
Want to share your results? Post on instagram with the hashtag #ifsothenwhat and tag me @ saradellefowler. No pressure though, because really, this is just for you! xo
3—ETC.
It’s been a long one! You might have questions like Who Is She?, and How Do I Give Her My Money? Click the link for answers, subscribe, and/or ask questions in the comments! And hey, I’ve got questions for you! Who Are You? Why Are You Here? Email me or comment; I’m all ears/eyes.
