Time is a spiral
ADHD, creativity, and a slinky
Dear friends,
How often does your past appear in your present, an unexpected visitor? Quietly sometimes, like a favorite author in an interview mentioning a book that changed your life at 21. You think, it’s time again. Quiet like deja vu on a street corner, you’re lost in thought when the fleeting spark visits and departs. Quiet like colors and textures in a recent weaving you finished, echoing one of the first you ever made.
And loud sometimes, when you realize something massive, earthshaking, indescribably significant about yourself that has been there in you the whole time.
About a month ago, in a bolt of lightning, I realized that I have ADHD. While I impatiently bide my time on a bloated waiting list for diagnostic testing, I trust my body wisdom in knowing: this is me.
Picture a slinky. With your hands, stretch the two ends apart: the spiral extends outwards in two directions, not circles but a line. Now collapse it: two points far apart when stretched now touch.
The slinky is time, and I’m currently having my mind blown at the point of coils touching.
The day after I realized I likely have ADHD, I logged onto facebook to browse marketplace (one of my favorite dopamine mines… IG can suck eggs). Memories shows me a status update from 12 years ago: “Made brownies, forgot flour.” Ha! Well, then!
Later, I remembered this drawing I made almost exactly 3 years ago:
And when reading the (several) books on ADHD I’ve made my way through in the last few weeks, I think about young me chewing on pencils and imagining infinite possible lives.
If you’re like me—a child of the 80s and 90s—maybe you think about ADHD as the boy on his way to the principal’s office again for causing a ruckus in class. I’ve now learned that is just one of many ways in which ADHD can express, and that only in the last couple of decades has research expanded to include women and girls. According to the National Resource Center on ADHD, “Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a neurodevelopmental disorder affecting 11 percent of school-age children (Visser, et al., 2014.) Symptoms continue into adulthood in more than three-quarters of cases (Brown, 2013.)” That’s a lot of people. [Read more about ADHD here.]
So, I’m at the point where the coils of time touch—every question I ever had about myself throughout the span of my life was answered at once. Each answer a bolt of lightning. This month, tectonic plates cleave to reveal my innards. Planetary energy shifts in this humble human body.
Something I’ve learned is that people with ADHD are often very creative. And that’s why I’m writing to you—about something deeply personal—that I’m a little nervous to share. My neurochemistry predisposes me to lay paralyzed with shame-infused overwhelm as times slips by, and it predisposes me to make abstract connections, see beauty and mystery in the world, and make art.
I’m a steadfast proponent of showing up in the world as your full self. I know from experience that being real while holding compassion for yourself and others creates resonance with people. After school visits, I’ve gotten messages from college students who thank me for speaking honestly and transparently about my career (an apparent rarity). And in sharing drawings and missives about my experience with anxiety and depression, I have made room for people to see themselves with care. We’re living in a hard world; if I can make room for you to care for yourself and others while I care for myself… that’s important to me to do.
Since this is a space for me to process my creativity and prompt it in others, I imagine I’ll continue to talk about ADHD here and there. I have a lifetime of learning and adjusting ahead, so I give myself permission to shift the goals of this substack project if it serves me. At times, this mind is a leaf carried on air and I must protect it.
If you have ADHD and have favorite resources to share, please write to me! Especially if you’re also a creative freelancer :-) I’m really appreciating chatting with folks going through similar experiences. If you’re curious about what I’ve found, let me know, I’d be happy to share.
If you don’t have ADHD, I invite you to learn more about it! It’s fascinating and wide-ranging, and I am coming to wonder if people with ADHD are canaries in the coal mine for some of the poisons of our world.
IN OTHER NEWS
I’ve begun my 6-month illustration mentorship with Giuseppe Castellano
. He has a real gift of seeing story everywhere, which is helping me approach my sketchbook with more openness. Very happy to have this framework of support for my personal work, especially given the above… :-o
I’m handsewing a self-drafted shirt, taught by the brilliant and wise Kristi Fackel, a member of my weaving coop and a fiber artist. All of us in the coop learned from her over the last two weeks and are now making garments for ourselves!
My pal Natalie and I took 213 pounds of wool over to the St. Peter Woolen Mill last week to get processed. (Her 200 + my 13, haha) Neither of us particularly like washing & carding as it takes so long. SO LONG. I feel good about supporting a local business and endangered trade while taking a project off my plate. And, so very cool to see the mill in action. Original parts from the 1860s, newest parts from the 1940s(!!)
On May 18, I’ll be a guest artist at the Hellavision Flea Market as part of art-a-whirl. I’ll be doing live snail drawing and hawking Snail Art as well as other products from past years. Should be a wild one! If you’re based in the twin cities, come say hi!
Yesterday evening I had the distinct pleasure of watching my partner and my dog compete in their first Disc Dog competition. It is very nice to watch happy dogs run about and freak on frisbees.
‘Til next time!
Sara
Sara! Thank for sharing your ADHD journey! I was diagnosed at 58 years old. I cried when I found the courage to ask the question of my doctor (who finally listened) and had major flash backs to my life thinking of all the times I thought I was stupid because I could not focus or remember or being forgetful or not listening, my mind wondering when talking with someone. My life changed for the better the day and life seemed to finally make sense. Welcome to the cool group! Finally it feels good to understand and belong! Enjoy the ride!
Each of us have gifts! You certainly do Sara! You are amazing! Learning about parts of our beings is helpful and can be jolting. Understanding brings a calm and acceptance. But you are lovable, and a unique you! You’re perfect, just as you are! Hugs. ❤️